Marsye, You are the funniest woman and I too look for what you add to this board as it never fails to bring a smile. There are no dumb questions.
My guild is going on a retreat this weekend but I could not afford it this year. They go to a convent up in wine country where all the meals are prepared for you. The accomodations are comfortable but there are no phones, tvs, etc. I hear stories of some that don't do any sewing. They wander off to LQS and wineries. But the consensus is they are great.
I have thought of the idea of using my timeshare with the few ladies I sew with from the guild. So I plan to do that this year.
Try one you will like it. Let us know because I would love to be there also. Probably would be laughing too hard to get much sewing done. I have applique that should be getting done but just doesn't seem to get there.