Rhonda

No actually my mom is not appreciative, We have ironed out some of our differances but some just have to be lived with. We have had many talks(some fights) and we understand each other better now(in my 50's!)

Mom only sees that she has to "help" me by telling me how to do it better. She does not see the effort put into it and is bewildered when I talk about my feelings. Emotion is not practical so she can not relate. It is unimportant to her so it doesn't exist.

She thinks she is instructing me on improving the quality of what ever I am doing whether it is housework or sewing. She picks out all the faults so I can "correct" them. If she likes something she just doesn't say anything because it doesn't need fixed! She just doesn't understand that she hurts my feelings. It isn't intentional and I know that now.
I do love her and admire her for a lot of things. We have a better relationship than we used to and I wish I could break the need for approval because it will never happen. She doesn't think that way.

I lost my dad in 90 and am not ready to lose her yet either!! We help each other a lot! We live beside each other.

Unfortunately my husband is just like her and I sometimes feel like a bone between two dogs!!! She will ask me if I sent that letter yet and I get back out to my house and my husband will ask me if I sent that letter out yet! It is like stereo!!! They are so much alike!!

All my life the only way my mom can express love is to buy you something. No hugs ever! and no verbal expressions of any kind. It is not her way. But she would give me her last nickle or do anything I ask without any questions so I do know I am loved but it would be nice to hear it or have a hug once in awhile. My dad was a hugger and my grandparents were also. If I hug her (which i have) it makes her very uncomfortable.

k3n

Rhonda - your mom sounds like mine in a lot of ways! She too shows love with practical help or giving you stuff. If you've got a problem or are upset her words are invariably 'pull yourself together ' or 'it could be worse'. And she says nice stuff about me to other people but not to my face; but I'm finally coming to accept that it's just her way - she won't change and she DOES love me. Not that I don't get angry and/or upset sometimes over something she says but it's getting better - and Hans helps a lot; he's very good at verbalising things, which I'm not! Bizarre since English is his second language! But I love my Mum, I'm glad to have her, and will miss her when she's gone, (which, God willing won't be for a VERY long time) - doesn't stop her from driving me up the wall sometimes though!

Rhonda

Part of our problem is that I am my father's daughter and my mom and I are complete opposites in most things. We have a very rocky relationship but it is much better than it used to be. It was really tuff when we moved in my mom's back yard 11 years ago and she and I have gone through a lot of difficult times trying to find a balance we can live with. Her priorities are not mine and she is always trying to "make things better" like picking up dishes I am not done with yet because she can't stand to see anything she considers dirty lying around. She cleans like most people breathe and I like to leave things til I am ready to deal with them. We drive each other crazy!! She comes out to my house several times most days and is on the phone to me alot. I am a loner and she has a hard time with that. I get mad she gets mad then we both go and cool off and start again.

Being a loner and living where my mom and my husband are always under foot 24/7 is stressful at times!! So I spend a lot of time quilting. It is my escape!

k3n

My Mum used to be a manic cleaner/tidier - if you were reading a book and went to the loo, when you came back it would have been tidied away for eg! But I must say she has mellowed a lot! My father is such a messy so and so, I think she's finally given up! They bought some land alongside their property a couple of years ago and suggested Hans and I build a house there - no way! At the moment they're 20 minutes away and that's close enough! I'm really pleased they came to France when I did and see them a couple of times a week - they're great with the kids. But I wouldn't want them next door! Burying your nose in sewing must really keep you sane! BTW I've pieced and bordered the first micro kaleido - but I'm going to give it to Hans so i want him to see it first! And it's not quilted yet! but I've been very naughty and already cut the triangles for a second one - the blue floral!

Rhonda

Can't wait to see it!! I am curious to see the stack and whack in mini!!
Didn't get to Cantril this week. I have several deadlines I am trying to meet. Hopefully I can go soon. There is another store owned by the same family but an hour and a half away from us. They have the same lines as Cantril but more. I love going to both but only get to Rutledge(second store) about once or twice a year but we go to Cantril all the time. I hope to make a trip and do them both in the same day.

My mom is obsessive about cleaning. I have finally realized it isn't a criticism of my housecleaning (tho she is very vocal about that too!) but she just can't help it she has to stop and pick up any little thing that is out of place! She has a hard time with us having two dogs a cat and a cockatiel. She can't stand the mess they make with dog hair and bird feathers! Drives her crazy!! I on the other hand just don't see it til I am ready to deal with it!!!!LOL

k3n

Rhonda - no rush for Cantril - we're going on holiday in August and have to pay the balance this month plus save some spending money so I'm not spending for a while - besides, I've got LOADS to be going on with!

Rhonda

That's fine! Just let me know when you want anything.

k3n

Will do! Thank you Rhonda, thank thank you Rhonda - etc, you know the drill! :D

sewjoyce

I thought it was "Help me Rhonda, Help, Help me, Rhonda, to get her outta my heart." :roll:

Rhonda

Help me Rhonda Help help me Rhonda Help me Rhonda yeah get her out of my heart.

Not very flattering to be second best!!