ptquilts

(sorry this is not original, but too good not to share!!)


I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he's a she

Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possible pull it all off

For starters, the vast majority of men don't even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve. It's as if they are all frozen in some kind of Ebenezerian Time Warp until 3 p.m. on Dec. 24th, when they - with amazing calm - call other errant men and plan for a last minute shopping spree

Once at the mall, they always seem surprised to find only Ronco products, socket wrench sets, and mood rings left on the shelves. (You might think this would send them into a fit of panic and guilt, but my husband tells me it's an enormous relief because it lessens the 11th hour decision making burden.) On this count alone, I'm convinced Santa is a woman.

Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the universe would wake up Christmas morning to find a rotating musical Chia Pet under the tree, still in the bag

Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there. First of all, there would be no reindeer because they would all be dead, gutted and strapped on the rear bumper of the sleigh amid wide-eyed desperate claims that buck season had been extended. Blitzen's rack would already be on the way to the taxidermist

Even if the male Santa DID have reindeer, he'd still have transportation problems because he would inevitably get lost up there in the snow and clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for directions. Add to this the fact that there would be unavoidable delays in the chimney, where the Bob Vila-like Santa would stop to inspect and repoint bricks in the flue. He would also need to check for carbon monoxide fumes in every gas fireplace, and get under every Christmas tree that is crooked to straighten it to a perfectly upright 90-degree angle


Other reasons why Santa can't possible be a man:

Men can't pack a bag

Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet

Men would feel their masculinity is threatened if seen with all those elves

Men don't answer their mail

Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described even in jest as anything remotely resembling a *bowl full of jelly*

Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them


Having to do the Ho Ho Ho thing would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women

Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment


I can buy the fact that other mythical holiday characters are men

Father Time shows up once a year unshaven and looking ominous - Definite guy

Cupid flies around carrying weapons

Uncle Sam is a politician who likes to point fingers

Any one of these individuals could pass the testosterone screening test

But not St. Nick - not a chance

In the end, I guess that as long as we have each other, good will, peace on earth, faith and Nat King Cole's version of *The Christmas Song*, it probably makes little difference what gender Santa is - I just wish she'd quit dressing like a guy ...

Phyllis nm

Very well said.

audsgirl

This is too funny! I'll save it for my husband to read.

nanacarolyn

this is so good I printed it to give to my husband fits him to a T

rob529

You know what they say, "behind every good man". Thank you for all that you do Mre claus.
Robin in TX

Robinlee

To cute, wool have to pass along.

baskets4moo

How true!! This could not be better said!

Jothesewer

I liked that, it certainly was the truth. We women know!!
Jo

pocoellie

Your theory makes absolutely perfect sense. Santa MUST be a woman.